MKE #3 – Week 14 – Submerged

I could see the old patterns above me

as the holiday frenzy begins

I want to maintain my balance.

I felt many newer ideas slipping away

too far away to hear now.

And the previous mindframe

taking over.

Making so much noise.

I got lost for awhile.

Still holding firmly to what i could remember of

Ideas that seemed right, at the time.

Now I don’t know what to believe.

As long as i am striving for a thought that feels in alignment.

Many are crossing my path yet

none are as familiar as what ive

repeated religiously to myself.

I feel vulnerable, reminded of the

guardsmen at the gate in one instant.

Don’t remember if i forgot again.

Finally i think, should I just let go completely?

If I do, the more i release the clenched fist of

what i think is my only sense of truth

I fear that i am slipping into the

energy of something very dark

in comparison to what I am used to

I think, “Is it me? Or them.”

Of course i know it’s always me.

This has the potential to feel worse if I blame myself for

being what feels like being lost.

Am I lost?

Seperated from the security of what I know.

But whatever is going on, there is goodness.

Everywhere has the same potential to be heaven

on earth depending on wether I allow it or not.

What would I love most right now?

I want to lay down and meditate.

Honestly.

All day long,

and let the holidays pass.

But I dont ALLOW myself to do that.

Hmmm…

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